


hostage

by tropicalpigeon



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Could be interpreted as, F/F, Hostage Situations, not to be homestuck on main or anything, theres not enough tagr fics so here i am, this is just tak and gaz making out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-04
Updated: 2019-10-04
Packaged: 2020-11-23 19:10:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20894681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tropicalpigeon/pseuds/tropicalpigeon
Summary: Tak holds Gaz hostage to get back at Dib and Zim. It doesn't end as she expects.---Self-indulgent Tak and Gaz makeout session fic!





	hostage

**Author's Note:**

> hello im a lesbian and i have no self control

Gazlene Membrane. Dib’s younger sister by about a year. Smart, smarter than the rest, and cynical. Obsessed with video games, and snarky as all hell.

The perfect target.

If Tak wanted to exact revenge against Zim and the Dib-human, this was it. Kidnap Gaz, hold her hostage, and threaten to send her into space. While Dib and Zim were busy trying to break into Tak’s facility, Mimi would infiltrate Zim’s base and destroy it from the inside after hijacking the computer and sending any useful information to Tak’s ship. Having to work out of only a ship before getting to Earth was an obstacle, yes, but an obstacle that Tak was easily able to overcome—after all, she created it herself from a variety of scrap parts on Dirt. It was a work of art, masterfully engineered over the course of decades to get her off that miserable trash planet, and a conglomeration of the best parts of Vortian, Irken, and Meekrob technology, plus some unique, Tak-built pieces. She’d even programmed her personality into it. It was a shame that the hot dog stand wasn’t as advanced.

The one thing she didn’t account for, though, was that Gaz would  _ talk _ .

She’d assumed that she was quiet and introverted from her observations of her in the classroom. But she was  _ talking _ to her.

“Why do you hate Zim so much?” she asked, opening one eye and wiggling her bound hands behind her back. (The handcuffs were an old Vortian souvenir from Dirt. They were broken, but Tak managed to fix them, and she’d been waiting eagerly for the opportunity to use them.) “I mean, so do I, but you two have history.”

Tak fell to a squat so she could make proper eye contact with her. She had just cuffed her and thrown her on the floor of one of the balconies in the hot dog stand; she probably should’ve gotten her at least a chair or something, but eh, you live and you learn. “It’s a long, horrible, disgusting story. You don’t want to hear it.”

Gaz raised an eyebrow. “I have nothing but time.”

Tak sighed. She did—all she and Tak were doing now was waiting for either the signal from Mimi that the base was successfully sabotaged or for Zim and Dib to actually break in. Zim and Dib teaming up was a wrench in her plans that Tak wasn’t expecting; she thought they hated each other! He was supposed to team up with  _ her _ , if anything! But no, nothing could ever go her way, could it?

Whatever.

They had time.

“Back on Irk, all I wanted was to be an Invader,” she began, sinking to sit a few feet away from Gaz. The eerie silence of their surroundings, minus the wooshing liquid the weenie man’s body was encapsulated within, persuaded her to continue. “I was tall enough, smart enough, able enough. Halfway through my Invader exam, though, a power outage stopped the test. Turns out, Zim had stolen a battle mech and taken it for a—a fucking  _ joyride _ , and caused a blackout that covered half the planet.” She realized her fists were clenched and unclenched them. Using human curses felt oddly cathartic; if she could, she’d be cursing left and right in Irken, but Gaz couldn’t understand that. “I begged the Control Brains to let me retake the test, but they wouldn’t let me. I’d have to wait another seventy years, and I was exiled to the landfill planet Dirt for janitorial duty.”

“Because of Zim,” Gaz said, completing her sentence.

“Because of Zim.”

Gaz whistled. “Damn, that’s rough.” Both her eyes were open now, and she was looking at Tak with cold brown eyes. “What’s Irk like?”

“Irk’s—” Before she could finish, Tak stopped herself with a laugh. What was she doing? Divulging secrets to the enemy? Not that Gaz would ever cooperate with Dib, but if  _ Zim _ was working with Dib, then anything was possible. “I shouldn’t even be talking to you,” Tak hissed, quickly righting herself and brushing off her jeans. What a waste of time.

“If you’re going to kidnap me, it’s only polite to keep me entertained.” She watched as Gaz struggled against her confines again. Tak looked down at her, taking the sight in. She was cuffed at the wrists and ankles, which were connected by a Vortian-styled magnetic field, forcing her into a kneeling position. Her pale thighs were wide, squashed by virtue of her position, and her calf muscles were straining with the effort of holding herself up. She wore a black pleated skirt, an oversized t-shirt with a video game logo on it, and chunky black combat boots. Gaz looked up at Tak through a thick fan of black eyelashes, her thin lips pressed together with contempt. Just then, a feeling unfurled in her spooch, hot and unfamiliar. Strange. Maybe she was coming down with something.

“I have no need for politeness,” retorted Tak, placing a hand on her hip. She wanted to walk away, to do something important, but she really had nothing else to do until Mimi gave the signal. She walked to the railing at the edge of the balcony behind Gaz, leaning over and looking down to the ground floor a couple floors below. Maybe if she turned the inquiries back on her... “Tell me things about Earth.”

“Earth?” Gaz echoed, her voice incredulous. “There’s nothing interesting.”

“It’s as alien to me as Irk is to you,” replied Tak simply.

“Touche.” A beat of silence. “What do you want to know?”

Tak shrugged, even though Gaz couldn’t see her. “Anything. Especially social rituals, like holidays and whatnot. We don’t have anything like that back home.” She wasn’t lying—they really didn’t. The concept of getting a day off school or work, for no reason other than tradition, was so foreign to her.

Gaz hummed. “Halloween’s in a few weeks. You know about that one, right?”

“I’ve heard of it.”

“Well, everyone dresses up as a monster, and the kids knock on people’s doors to ask for candy. It’s called trick or treating.”

Tak craned her neck to look at the back of Gaz’s head. “The doors of strangers? That’s so... idiotic. And dangerous.”

“Yeah, when you put it that way. It’s fun, though. Some people also do haunted houses, where they pay to go through and get scared.”

“Humans pay to experience fear?”

“Yep.”

“Ridiculous.”

Gaz didn’t reply, and Tak turned back to look at the sausage man’s floating body. “What’s after that?”

“Thanksgiving. The one with the turkey.”

“Why turkey?”  
Gaz made a noise like she was deep in thought. “I’m not sure, actually. But everyone eats a lot of food and says things they’re grateful for to celebrate genocide.”

“That sounds more reasonable.”  
“Of course it does, alien.”

Tak strode back to face Gaz and squatted down again, meeting her defiant gaze. “You’re just as alien as I am, human.” She flicked her in the forehead and stood. Humans sure were a disgusting lot of disrespectful runts, weren’t they?

“You’re on my planet, so you’re the alien here,” Gaz grumbled under her breath.

Tak felt her antennae twitch with anger under her disguise. She raised her Irken military-grade boot and pressed it flat against Gaz’s chest, leaning her back until she hit the rail behind her, and then pressing a little harder. The sole pushed into fatty tissue, and Tak absentmindedly wondered why female humans had these fat deposits. “Keep talking, and I  _ will _ blast you into space.”

Gaz’s lip curled and Tak removed her boot, but curiously, Gaz stayed leaned back. “What is it with Irkens and getting off on weird power trips?”

Tak bristled. “Getting off?!” she repeated, her voice dripping with venom despite the flush growing on her face. She wasn’t sure if it extended to her disguise, but she could feel her face grow warmer—it was probably bright pink by now. “I’m familiar with your disgusting human mating practices, and I can  _ assure you  _ that Irkens do not  _ get off _ on a-anything.” Curse her voice for betraying her with a stutter. Truth be told, she had done— _ ahem _ —research on human mating, and it was rather intriguing. Irkens obviously had no need, what with the abundances of hatcheries and smeeteries and no need for more, how to put it,  _ recreational _ uses either.

Gaz smirked infuriatingly, and there was that warm feeling again, making her squeedilyspooch beat harder. Disgusting. “Explains why you’re so stuck-up all the time. You don’t even date or anything?”

Tak crossed her arms. “Of course not. We have no need. We only act for the glory of the Irken Empire.” She peered down at her hostage warily. “Explain to me the human dating ritual.”

Gaz huffed and leered up at her through violet bangs. “It’s not complicated. When you like someone, you go on dates, and you kiss them and hug them and junk.”

Tak’s brain felt like it was stuffed with cotton for some reason. She could hear her PAK clicking unpleasantly through her antennae. She got the feeling that she wasn’t supposed to be thinking about these things, but now that it was on her mind, she couldn’t seem to think about anything else. “Kiss,” she echoed quietly, deep in thought as she pressed her thumb to her lips.

“You know, smashing your mouths together?”

“I know what kissing is!” snapped Tak. Almighty Tallest, this conversation had taken a turn. The staccato  _ clik, clik, clik, clik _ of her PAK was starting to give her a migraine. Maybe it was clicking because Irkens shouldn’t be thinking about these things—about kissing, about leaning down and taking the human’s hair in her hands, about...

The mission. She couldn’t forget about the mission.

“Kissing is one of the most disgusting human traditions.”

“I’m sure you’d feel differently if you’d tried it,” came a taunting remark from Gaz.

Tak blinked rapidly and looked away. Was she  _ offering _ ? Her spooch thrummed with a mixture of fear, wrath, and something unidentifiable. How dare she proposition her, like she was some—some filthy human harlot! Tak kneeled, resting her elbow on her knee, and scowled at Gaz from only a few inches away. “I know I wouldn’t.”

“Only one way to find out,” Gaz breathed.

She could feel the human’s breath on her face, hot and stuffy, and watched as a light dusting of orangey-pink blush grew on Gaz’s cheeks. She looked between her dark brown eyes, searching for any sign of weakness, any sign of backing down, but couldn’t find any. As a last-ditch effort, she pressed her finger to her mind control implant on her temple, and felt the familiar surge of electricity as it fired.

“You know that doesn’t work on me,” mumbled Gaz.

_ I know _ , thought Tak. “Nothing does.” It was true—Gaz was smarter than the rest of the humans, even her brother. She’d found her out before anyone else.

A tense silence. The relentless ticking in her mind was only getting louder, but it was easy to ignore by focusing on the warm, breathing human below her and the indescribable look she was giving her. She’d never wanted to indulge in human activities like this before—sure, she’d idly thought about it once or twice, but never with this fervent need. Right now, she felt like if she didn’t kiss this human right this second, she’d disintegrate into nothingness.

“Fucking kiss me already, alien.”

And then Tak gave in to Gaz’s overcast eyes by pressing a gloved hand to her soft cheek, tilting her face ever-so-slightly with a feather-light touch, and pressing her mouth to hers. Her eyes fell shut almost instantly. It was nothing like she’d thought, and so much better and so much worse at the same time, to the point where she could barely think straight. She knew that humans were warm, but Gaz’s lips under hers felt hotter than the core of a star, and she could feel the  _ thump thump, thump thump, thump thump _ of her heartbeat, so foreign to her. The nose of her disguise pressed against the space between Gaz’s nose and cheek, and  _ oh _ , Gaz’s tongue was licking against her lips and Tak opened her mouth instinctively and oh  _ wow _ .

Tak remembered that she hadn’t bothered to give herself a human tongue when designing her human disguise, since it seemed to have no use. Now, she regretted it as Gaz’s soft tongue (everything about her was soft) pressed into her mouth and touched Tak’s hard, reptilian one. She tasted like nothing, like everything, like soda and candy and spit.

Gaz made a noise of surprise and separated, and to Tak’s simultaneous joy and disgust, a string of human saliva connected their mouths for a split second before breaking. Already, Tak missed the heat and the pressure and the feeling of Gaz’s heartbeat against her lips, and Gaz said, “Your tongue is weird.”

Before Tak could speak (she wasn’t even sure what she was going to say—“sorry?” “I can’t help it?” “Yours feels weirder?”), Gaz was leaning forward again and kissing her harder.

Tak climbed into Gaz’s lap for easier access and ran a gloved nail down her neck, making her shiver deliciously below her. Her pillowy thighs made for a comfortable seat, and before Tak could think about it, she was throwing caution to the wind and reaching behind her to disable the Vortian handcuffs. Within seconds, Gaz was carding her fingers in Tak’s hair and resting her other hand on the small of her back before deepening the kiss. This one was harder, more aggressive than the last—her dull human teeth scraped against Tak’s bottom lip more than once, and Tak matched the intensity, wrapping her long, ridged tongue around Gaz’s. In response, Gaz gasped and melted, leaning into her touch.

Her PAK was long forgotten at this point, and her mind was solely focused on nibbling on Gaz’s tongue with her razor-sharp incisors. Was this even a good kiss by human standards? Tak was certainly enjoying it, and judging by Gaz’s soft humming, she seemed to be enjoying it as well, so maybe it didn’t matter. Gaz ran her hand up and down Tak’s spine encouragingly, sending sparks through Tak’s pleasure receptors. She could feel her fluttering eyelashes on her cheek, softer and less spiky than Irken eyelashes.

Gaz’s other hand pressed on the front of Tak’s shoulder, gently pushing her backwards until she hit the floor and propping herself on all fours above her. Tak whined involuntarily when Gaz pulled away, and the smirk on her stupid human face filled her with anger. “So much for Irkens not caring for relationships.”

Tak snarled and wrapped her arms around Gaz’s shoulders and her legs around her hips. “ _ ‘Fucking kiss me already, alien,’ _ ” she quoted with plenty of snark.

At that, Gaz leaned down, but with a slightly lower aim. She kissed Tak’s jaw, making the skin there sizzle quietly. It wasn’t quite painful—just a tingle—but the sensation was new and unfamiliar. She kissed lower and lower until she got to the base of her neck, where she licked and sucked eagerly at the sensitive skin. Tak fisted her hands into the fabric of Gaz’s shirt, screwing her eyes shut and focusing on the pleasure. Gaz bit hard, and Tak yelped, the unexpected pain mixing with the sting of the saliva and forcing her to worry at her bottom lip. She didn’t know what she was feeling, but it was intoxicating, better than any snack she’d ever had and more addicting than any victory she’d ever achieved. Her squeedilyspooch was beating at an unprecedented rate, feeling as if it would beat out of her chest at any moment. Maybe humans were on to something with this kissing thing.

Then Gaz’s weight disappeared, and Tak cracked one eye open in confusion.

An explosion.

Tak scrambled to a less compromising position, now on her hands and knees. A hole had been blasted in the wall of the facility, letting daylight in and temporarily blinding her. She rubbed her eyes and lo and behold, Zim’s voot cruiser was hovering just outside with the windshield down. He cackled, and Dib spouted some nonsense from his seat next to him. He offered a hand to Gaz and she climbed in.

Tak screamed a handful of Irken expletives. This was all a trap! A filthy human trap to make her let her guard down! Her PAK legs activated and she flung herself at the opening, but Zim tugged the yoke and pulled the voot just out of her reach.

“Call me!” Gaz yelled, giving her a flirtatious wink before the windshield activated and the voot blasted off, leaving an equally enraged and hot-and-bothered Tak in its wake.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!! kudos are very appreciated and comments are even more appreciated! <3  
tumblr: lesbiangazmembrane


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